Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Ring, ring.

I'm writing to myself & for myself because no one cares about what I have to say but me. It's sort of like a documentary. It's a device of reflection. Sometimes when I read things I've written I laugh at how silly I sound and think of how odd I may appear to others. It doesn't bother me much, I just laugh.

Am I wasting my time typing or spending it on something I enjoy? I think a little bit of both.

I don't have a house phone and the idea of having one seems completely unnecessary these days. I remember playing with the cord of the phone and being excited when someone was calling to speak to me. Caller ID was pretty neat when it first came out too. Now I assume that most house phones are cordless. Now, cellphones predominate our technologically obsessed society and house phones seem dead to me.

Afternoon snack.

I can't keep my mind focused on one thing. My mind races persistently and my heart is beating so fast. I feel anxious and jittery but I really can't complain. I can't wait to float in the sea and let the waves crash over me. The beach is something I miss greatly when I'm away from home. I never realized how lucky I was to have the beach so close to home. One day I will live on the beach or somewhere very close to it and swing in my hammock in my backyard. I enjoy the feeling of the sun wrapping its arms around me and the salty air mingling with my face and hair. I get so lost sometimes. Driving to school this morning I felt so free and happy. If only we could hold onto our good feelings for more than a few moments in time. The mind works in mysterious ways. I'm holding on so tightly to my youth, I never want to grow up. In two weeks reality will hit me hard and I'm ready. I'm ready for it all.